Say goodbye to the 2011 Mets

 

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Nick Evans’ Batting Eye

The key to his success.

 

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Jason Bay sucks…

…and he doesn’t seem to care.

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Capuano’s Lucky Charm

Chris Capuano takes the hill for the Mets tonight against the Marlins at Citi Field. Capuano last start was a gem against the Braves were he pitched a complete game 2 hit shut out while striking out a career high 13 batters.

Capuano will once again has his new lucky charm ready for tonight’s game. Go to town Chris. Let’s go Mets!

 

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Angel Pagan: 2012 Met?

Fans are getting tired of seeing Pagan struggle not only at the plate but also in the field, esp of late. The Mets can bring him back for the 2012 season at about $4 million. Do we want him back? If not, who plays CF next year? Hopefully Pagan can finish strong in the final 5 weeks. Not that anyone will be paying attention to the final 5 weeks.

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Why Us?

2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, and now 2011.

 

 

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Mets Look To Lose By Less Than 10 Points Today

When manager Terry Collins was told that, in baseball, you score RUNS and not points he quipped “Look at this shit lineup. It’s been ages since we scored anything so cut me some slack!”

Points, runs, goals, who cares? I don’t care what they do, just show up and make a game out of it tonight against one of the few Philly starters who isn’t a hall of famer. Actually, let me correct myself. We have a chance to gain a nice draft pick in a lost season where, let’s be honest, the wins mean nothing. Keep on chugging along, bums. Daddy needs a new #7 pick!

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Fernando Martinez Injures

<any random date>

<city of injury, State>

Today, Fernando Martinez <action that lead to injury> and had to be helped off the field. <Exasperated Manager> “<Exasperated Manager Quote>” but hopefully he’ll be back soon.

“<Template_Reassurance_That_He_Is_Still_Young>” said <GM>.

 

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Met Headlines From The Year 2014…

“Tomorrow’s ‘David Wright & Jose Reyes Inexplicable Infield Landmine Day’ Memorial Tribute Rained Out. NO REFUNDS!!”

“Matt Harvey Recovers From 3rd Tommy John Surgery. Should be ready to go in 2016″

“Angel Pagan Still In The Bathroom. Sandy Alderson Concerned”

“God Comes Down From Heaven To Confirm ‘I FUCKING HATE YOU. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. GOOOO YANKEES!’ – Mets Win 4-3″

“World Champion Cubs Sweep Mets In 4 Games”

I can do this alllllll day. I might actually further report on these ‘news’ items. Why not? I’m a flacid cartoon who roots for a team whose best prospects were traded or snorted the right field line all while winning rings with the team I hate the most, what else do I have to live for?

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Ike Davis Confirms He’s Ok – From The Fourth Dimension

Breaking News…

Ike Davis sent a message to our planet from the fourth dimension explaining how a simple injury could lead to no updates with no explanation as to how he fell off the face of the Earth.

Contrary to popular belief, his disappearance has nothing to do with his doctors having no answers to what seemed like a 2 manned knee tickle that has, instead, turned into a catastrophe for a team who can’t properly diagnose a runny nose.

“To ease everybody’s concern, I am healthy. Unfortunately, a rip in time space transferred my atoms into a spacial reality that is invisible to the human eye. I know this might sound impossible but, be honest, so does the idea of me being out for the year after David Wright farted next to me when our knee caps barely touched. So there you go.”

Notice how Mets Blog stays quiet on the matter? SNY Sellouts :(

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