“Tomorrow’s ‘David Wright & Jose Reyes Inexplicable Infield Landmine Day’ Memorial Tribute Rained Out. NO REFUNDS!!”
“Matt Harvey Recovers From 3rd Tommy John Surgery. Should be ready to go in 2016″
“Angel Pagan Still In The Bathroom. Sandy Alderson Concerned”
“God Comes Down From Heaven To Confirm ‘I FUCKING HATE YOU. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. GOOOO YANKEES!’ – Mets Win 4-3″
“World Champion Cubs Sweep Mets In 4 Games”
I can do this alllllll day. I might actually further report on these ‘news’ items. Why not? I’m a flacid cartoon who roots for a team whose best prospects were traded or snorted the right field line all while winning rings with the team I hate the most, what else do I have to live for?