Headlines From The Future…

“Sandy Alderson To Address Team After 0-34 Start”

“David Wright Swears He’s Had His Last Drink…
Beer Cans Next To Third Base Woke Me Up”

“Fred Wilpon Rises From Dead – Eats Brains of New Owners.
Unknown Zombie Clause Re-Establishes Him As Owner! “

“Dan Warthen Smiles”

“Ike Davis Sneezes – Out For Year”

“Fred Wilpon Admits Envelope Stuffing
‘Didn’t Pay Off As I Had Hoped’ “

“Mets’ First Round Draft Pick Sues For Draft Bonus After Check Bounces” “First Time Was Bad Enough, But The Second Time…”

“Mets 49th Round Draft Pick Sues…”

“Fred Wilpon Apologizes For The 1986 Mets.
This Won’t Happen Again!”

“Mike Pelfrey Licks His Right Hand Off!
Listed As Day To Day…”

“Mike Pelfrey Licks David Wright’s Hand Off. Seeking Counseling”

“Fred Wilpon Apologizes For ‘Korean Day’ Snafu.
Acknowledges Hot Dogs Are NOT Made From Real Dogs”

“Sandy Alderson Apologizes For Fred’s Snafu
Thinking Koreans Actually Wanted To Eat Dog Made Hot Dogs”

“Sandy Alderson Slaps David Wright In Face With Fish”
(Just Seeing If You Are Still Awake).

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